As the saying goes, "Friends are hard to come by". It's a blessing to have a friend or group of friends that have that true "Ride or Die" loyalty towards you. Sometimes in life, "friends" are there for you during that season you are going through (and you are there for them in return). Then with the passing of time, things change, and it causes you and your "friend(s)" to go your separate ways. Or a situation reveals the true colors of someone you thought was your confidant; causing the relationship to end unexpectedly. As #millennials, it can be daunting and hard to establish new friendships as we navigate the overwhelming world that is #socialmedia. It has transformed the way that we communicate with each other as human beings.
I find myself desiring to meet face to face with clients or recruiting/hiring managers instead of exchanging emails or texts back and forth. I would feel more comfortable seeing the person that I'm interacting with. This gives me more confidence in the project or offer. To see a person's facial expressions and to hear the infliction of their voice can be a game changer! Words can become misconstrued when just reading them all of the time. Someone may be sincere and you might interpret it as offensive or harsh. That being said, I want to talk about a few simple ways that we can attempt to make new and healthy connections.
Social Media connects the world and unifies people with similar interests, but it has also hindered how people interact with each other. Society as a whole is avoiding face to face interaction and communication. I myself at times find that I don't want to be bothered with talking on the phone (depending on the person) because I want to avoid confrontation. I perceive that it is more comfortable for people to make connections with those they work with on a daily basis; or having forged friendships from past circumstances (such as a previous job and/or from school/college).
As an actress and model, I meet new people constantly. It's easy to engage in conversation with someone with a similar aspiration, dream, and/or interest. Yet, most of the time, these conversations never extend past the audition, rehearsal, and/or performance. For me, when it comes to making new connections (new friends) and meeting people it's straight forward white and black. Either we hit it off immediately from the moment we meet or it never gets past "Hi". There are so many different types of personalities in this world. Most of my friends are older than me as I feel more comfortable around people a few years older (or older than that). I've always been mature for my age. Ever since I was 8, I would always hang out with the older girls at daycare. Like I stated before, I can have a conversation with someone and we can talk a bit, but it may not extend past that moment (to where we would want to meet up again to hang out and develop a friendship). The conversation is more or less surrounded around whatever it is that brought us to the same place (where we have met) and that's usually it.
I share all of this (as I rant) in hopes that maybe you can relate. I know people as acquaintances and there are only a few that I can truly call a "friend". Yet, I still desire to forge new relationships where there is genuine companionship. Everyone needs a "4 AM Friend" i.e. someone that you can call at 4 in the morning if it all hits the fan and you need someone to talk you down.
So how can we go about obtaining new friendships; establishing new relationships?
1. BE A FRIEND
I've heard time and time again; that to make friends you must first be a friend. It's easier said than done. I have done this numerous times and it has backfired more than once! I have been a friend to people who chose not to reciprocate in return. I was there for them, but when the time came to return the favor they were nowhere to be found. Nonetheless, making friends still requires one to be outgoing, engaging, and pleasant. It's like dating minus physical attraction and sexual desire. It's strictly platonic companionship. Life would lose its meaning if it were meant to be lived alone. It's all about being there for others; human empathy and compassion. These are the trademarks of a true friendship! And if you share those with others then it's bound to be given to you in return.
2. GET SOCIAL
Research local events that are happening in your city. This is an easy way to network and meet new people. You can look up events that pertain to your interests. There are always Pop-Up Shops and Meet Up Groups getting together; making it the perfect place for new relationships to bud and blossom. This will also enable you to interact face to face with others in an environment that is welcoming because it is catering to your interest.
3. USE DISCERNMENT
Overall, when meeting new people and making new friendships, you have to be patient; using discernment. As you engage in conversation, feel the person out by observing their interaction with you. It's easy to recognize when someone is reciprocating or annoyed (wanting to break away from the conversation). Consistent eye contact is the main key to look for when interacting. If you have a feeling about the person (either good or bad) then that is a definite indication to adhere to as well. You want to establish healthy friendships and not become someone's welcome mat that they can manipulate for their own advantage. I have had people try to be "friends" with me because of what they assumed they could get from me (connections, networking, etc.). Be on your A-game by staying vigilant in order to protect yourself in the mist of meeting new people and making potential friends.
4. DIVERSITY
Don't be picky when it comes to meeting new people. Interacting with fellow #millennials of another culture is an opportunity to learn and to grow. Even if you have a huge group of tight-knit friends; meeting people of a different ethnicity than you and hearing their stories gives you an inside look at the reality of another culture. These experiences will cause you to grow as a human being. You don't have to travel to another country to engage with people of other cultures. Many cities have neighborhoods, fairs, or parades that celebrate various cultures all year long. Volunteer work is also another convenient way to meet new people of another race/culture; enabling you to become aware of different lifestyles outside of your own.
Sante
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