Confrontation can come off as a strong word that ignites feelings of anxiety; something everyone tries to avoid. When approached properly, the act of confronting another can actually be healthy, and even cathartic. I'm not a certified professional in this area, but experience has taught me well as I mature as an adult. So, on that note, I'm going to breakdown the basics that you can keep in mind; applying these simple keys to any type of relationship since it's human nature to confront an issue. You can only sweep so much under the rug or run for so long!
Slow To Speak, Quick to Listen
When engaged in a conversation with another, it's best to be the stronger person in the situation and let the other person speak first. Genuinely listen to what they have to say and try to consider where they're coming from. Everyone gets anxious to speak what's on their mind and we all want to be heard. Yet we don't truly give thought to hearing about how the other person feels. There have been situations where I never got a word in edge wise and the aftermath of that is painful, but it hasn't shattered my spirit. It has made me strong and capable of practicing what I preach (even though there are times where I forget #beinghonest). The main thing I have learned since becoming an adult is that adults don't have it together all of the time! Hurt people hurt people. When you're a child, you think that adults know everything and always know what to do. That's how we saw our parents and teachers, but it isn't so. We're all learning as we go and it's only by the Grace of GOD that we get another day to try to get things right. Listening to the other person first gives you the moment to process what is being addressed also enabling you to think before you speak (choosing your words wisely).
Humble Yourself
Swallow your pride and take this moment as the opportunity to apologize for your mistakes that the other person is addressing. Sometimes we offend people without the intention of doing so. This clears the air and also shows your sincerity. Pride is the number one reason why confrontation is difficult and everyone wants to avoid it. No one wants to be wrong. My personal opinion is that everyone is right and wrong at the same time. Being the bigger person causes you to become an example to the other person; cultivating an atmosphere of mercy (specially when it's time for you to speak revealing how you have been hurt as well). Showing that you are willing to apologize and make amends should show the other person that you care and want to rectify the situation.
Take Your Time
Now, it's time for you to speak from your heart. Everyone should be able to say how they feel in a mature way that doesn't insult the other person, but clearly conveys where they're coming from. Nasty words don't have to be used and items don't have to be thrown across the room to get your point across. Take your time and find the right words that will enable the other person to comprehend your side of things. Sometimes when people say and do things, they aren't thinking clearly, and their response is induced by something else that is heavy on their hearts (and minds). Being human is complicated, but if we can master the "art of confrontation", it will help make life less complicated; reducing stress, anxiety, and drama. Be honest, be transparent, and be yourself. In the end you have to let the chips fall where they may when you're coming from a mature healthy place; addressing the issue as you show respect to the other person involved. You can do all that I advise and the other person may be stubborn and hard-headed. If this is the case then they already have their mind set; thinking that they are right and you have wronged them. Trust when I say (from experience), that people like this are out for blood. They can be vindictive and rip you a knew one because they feel justified in doing so (when they too have a part to play in the situation). No one should have someone like this in their life on the daily. That's when you use your discernment and set that person free. Forgive them and move on with your life; taking the necessary steps to heal (depending on the level of the situation).
Resolution
Now that everyone has shared how they feel, a resolution must be established. This gives closure to the issue so both parties can move forward from the situation with a clean slate and a clear conscience. Like I just stated, if the person is stubborn then you need to set yourself free from such a toxic individual. Maybe not for the rest of your life, but some time apart can be the solution to saving the relationship. Distance does make the heart grow fonder oddly enough. I know it to be true that #love does cover a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8) and it's so powerful that it can soften the hardest hearts. Try talking to the other person by asking them what it is they would like for you to do or for their opinion on how things can be better. Share your thoughts as well pertaining to your situation then meet in the middle. Making an effort to make changes shows that you care and you want to clear the air. This takes humility, love, and patience, but it's all worth it. You'll feel better about yourself and the more you practice this the better you will be at mastering it (regardless of the type of situation or who it is you are confronting). Sometimes these are just seeds being planted and later on the other person remembers how you were with them; realizing that you indeed were the stronger person thus leading them to apologize. All-in-all, pursue peace! I know that in the heat of the moment it's hard to remember to do the right thing because you want to just get the final word in and speak your mind. But we all have to make an effort to approach situations with maturity; distinguishing childlike behavior from that befitting of an adult.
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Sante
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