It's time for stereotypes about men and love to be broken! I'm hoping that this insightful post will ruin shallow perceptions of how society identifies men in romantic relationships. My own experience with the opposite sex has revealed to me that, indeed men and women are different, yet both sexes desire to love (and be loved). I have read articles about how men show their love differently from women and the need for women to be able to read between their lines to interpret their signals. This may seem like a mind game, but women need to give men the benefit of the doubt because they have to do just as much work to figure us out at times as well. I want to highlight how men aren't just jocks looking to see how many chicks they can score with. Real men desire and pursue real women in the hopes of obtaining a real relationship! I'm not an expert or a love guru. With my personal experience, interaction with men, and some research; I think this post will reveal that men are strong and sensitive people who have hearts that they want to share with someone.
This is a post for men and yet a lesson for us women to dial back on the feminist-stuff. It makes no sense to fight so hard to be treated as an equal by putting down the ones you want to be in equality with.
STEREOTYPES plague movies, television, and media of the typical male and how he either pursues a relationship or engages in one. Some of those stereotypes include a man needing to sow his wild oats, unfaithfulness, being in a relationship with more than one woman, objectifying women, and/or uninterested in commitment all together (just to name a few). This has affected my personal perspective of men since I was young; watching movies that presented men to me in this fashion. This especially affected me since my dad wasn't around to teach me through his words and example what I should look for in a man. This almost led me down the wrong path as I was set on being distant in relationships and unforgiving. I always had it set in my mind that I would be the one to end things; just so I wouldn't be the one to get hurt. It took some time for me to finally realize that this is not the game plan for a healthy romantic relationship. Men are individuals with their own thoughts, desires, and perspectives.
It's detrimental to compare a man or relationship to pasts romantic involvements because this clearly shows that you can't move forward with someone new. It would be great for media to finally present a leading male character who isn't a jackass (yeah, I said it)! I especially disdain when I see a movie where the man is in a relationship or married, but when another woman throws herself at him he just gives in. He barely fights or defends the relationship that he's currently in. Instead, we see him unbuckling his belt. I've heard it countless times that men need sex and that's why they hop from chick to chick and yada yada yada. A real man knows that what you give is what you get (take it from the Eddie Murphy 90s film "Boomerang").
Stereotypes will only be broken if we choose to break them off of ourselves first. Let's not default to simple thinking when it comes to men. Now, granted, some men fit the stereotypical-bill, but I've interacted with a few genuine guys that (granted they weren't my type so nothing ever came from interacting with them) taught me to not look at all men as the same. Another thing to take in to consideration is that you can't cast all men away because of the negligence of a relationship that has done you wrong.
OF MEN I'VE KNOWN, I have discovered that they are genuine, shy, and bashful. I've noticed that I attract a particular type of guy. The men that tend to pursue me the most are cute yet a little nerdy. Their not weird or obnoxious. They are sweet, endearing, and act a little nerdy because they are obviously attracted to me. It's like they revert to being a teenager again. It's quite refreshing to witness it firsthand and it has definitely destroyed old perspectives that I have had of men in general. In interacting with men and talking about relationships, love, and life; they have all in one way, shape, or form revealed their true intentions. Men want what women want. I believe that communication can get in the way at times. People have a hard time communicating their intentions. Even when it's woman to woman, communication can get lost in translation! The genuine guys that have crossed my path have shared a piece of their hearts with me; exposing their desire to be loved and how their on the hunt to look for that. It touches my heart for the truth to be reveal about most men.
And I challenge you to think about what you want out a relationship: hopes, dreams, aspirations, goals,etc. Now, take all of those thoughts and imagine that these are the things a man relates to you in conversation. Of a truth, when looking for a mate, you two should be on the same page; straight down the line! You can't build a life with someone who wants to travel the world without being tied down by children or is interested in having an open relationship to meet new people (and you want the exact opposite)! There has to be alignment between the two of you. Your vows (upon marriage) display that you two are on that same page, everything thoroughly discussed, and that you swear to keep these promises until the day you die. You shouldn't be discussing huge life decisions after you said "I do". But just don't take my word on it! Let's see what the professionals have to say about men and love.
"I think one of the biggest myths that has been perpetuated by some evolutionary psychologists—though not all—is that there is one 'man,' or 'men,' with universal behaviors,"- Viren Swami, psychologist
STUDIES REVEAL that while men can be easy to take to bed (when they are propositioned), they also desire more than just a random one-night stand. Eric Jaffe of Psychology Today wrote an article in March of 2012 about the evolving desires of what men collectively are looking for in a romantic relationship with a woman. He reveals what "(...) psychologists discovered is that underneath the simplicity, we men can be surprisingly complicated. We want women, yes, and we want sex. But we don't always want a slender frame and sharp curves. Sometimes we want a good personality. And a good romantic comedy. And to cuddle." Jaffe further shares research that he highlights within his poignant article from psychologist Viren Swami of the University of Westminster in London.
In Jaffe's article, Swami shares that "There is an urgent need to expand what we mean by 'attractiveness' to include a much broader array of factors than physical traits alone (...). Studies indicate that a majority of people are concerned with their appearance (...) but studies also indicate that attraction and relationship formation are often more strongly predicted by factors other than physical appearance. Physical attractiveness might matter in the absence of social interaction, but once social interaction takes place, the importance of appearance diminishes rapidly." Jaffe notes that "Swami's studies support the concept of dynamic attractiveness—the idea that no matter our age or body preference, looks are but a single line of code in a complex algorithm of attraction, alongside others defining sense of humor, core beliefs, personality, and more."
To read the entire article click here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/201203/what-do-men-really-want
Another article that I came across while searching online to support this post was one by Shane Reuss of Thought Catalog published in July 2014. Reuss makes the same point that I brought to light earlier about the misconception of men and love; stating that "Popular media culture would like you to think we’re the bad guys. That we’re only in it for the hookups and the one night stands. That we’re not looking for “anything serious,” we’d “hit it and quit it,” you name the phrase, we’ve heard it. And some of us — okay, anyone on a dating site, really — perpetuate it. But guys want to fall in love. Have a relationship. Get sappy with someone. The whole thing. Sure, our antics probably don’t suggest this and a lot of our lives don’t read “ready for romance” but if you look, the signs are all there. We’re human, after all. Humans crave connection(...)" Reuss ends his article with a positive revelation concerning his friends who are in relationships. His observation really brings home the overall proof that men indeed want real, true love. Reuss writes "(...)the way my friends tell it, when it hits, it’s great. It hits hard. It’s wonderful. These are the ones in relationships, the ones who are in love. But they fell into their status more often than not, and if they pursued a girl, it was only after they realized they found it. And they chased it. And they put in the effort. And they reversed all their bitter ideas about heartbreak. It happens. After all, guys wouldn’t be in relationships and getting married if it didn’t. And at my last check, we’re still doing all of that. We’re not completely hopeless."
For the entire article click here: https://thoughtcatalog.com/shane-reuss/2014/07/guys-want-to-fall-in-love-too/
My overall hope is that we all have learned to see men in a new light when it comes to dating, romance, and love. Like Reuss stated, we are all humans wanting connection. This sort of justifies the side-eye stares that we may have given a couple that seemed like an unusual pairing. We don't know the connection that they have, what they share, and/or what they have established between them. All men aren't ballers and players. I've come to discover that even the lowest of men (who have ran around with his share of women) change upon encountering a relationship that does a number on them. Real love with a true connection is powerful; enough to transform someone and to cover a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8).
Sante
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